President Obama Makes 7000th Mistake in Presidency

According to the RWWD (Right Wing Watch Dogs), a group solely responsible for watching what the other side is doing, President Obama committed his 7000th mistake in his seven years as President.  Mistake 7000th happened on March 20th at 6pm in the Oval Office when the President mistakenly dropped his spoon into his crab bisque.  An expletive left the President's lips in response to the drop as he picked up a napkin to wipe it off.  Immediately First Lady, Michele, inquired as to why the sudden expletive.

The RWWD has kept a close watchful eye on the Obama presidency and has declared this to be mistake 7000 among the numerous errors the President has made.  Other mistakes include.

321. Health Care Reform
4002. Forgetting to tie shoes before meeting
36. Benghazi Incident
678. Harassing Christians
872. Spying on American citizens
6331. Drinking the last of the milk without asking if anyone wanted it

Andrew Peskar, lead data analyst of RWWD commented on this astronomical number, "This proves exactly what we were saying the whole time.  President Obama is not fit to be president.  We finally have the proof in writing."

When asked if Andrew had the data for mistakes made by President Bush, Andrew considered, "It wouldn't have been appropriate with the war going on and the problems with Hurricane Katrina.  That would have been a disrespectful move on our part."

Man Has Opinion on Current Events and Shares it on Facebook

Roger Murphy, of Boise Idaho, was watching the latest news cast from CNN when suddenly it occurred to him that he had amazing insight on what was happening. He immediately ran to his computer and started logging into Facebook.

"It's rare," he comments, "but I think I have answers that could really change how every event in the news today is viewed."

Though Roger was compelled to write his latest thoughts on ISIS, Michael Brown and sexual orientation equality he did not want to sound out of context.

"At first I thought I was unqualified," Roger relents, "being a white, straight, middle class American with an evangelical background and a degree in Archaeology."

That did not get in the way of Roger's pursuit of editorializing the current events. He began to make bold claims concerning what he thought about government, religion and the current state of health care.

"I just had answers," Roger proclaimed, "I knew if people paid attention to what I was writing and put it into action then things would start to look different.  I friended President Obama just in case he needed some inspiration on the issues."

News traveled quickly that Roger had strong opinions on today's current events.  Soon friends were hitting LIKE on all his posts.  Even some friends were bold enough to share.

"It's a revolution," Peter Corkins, one of Roger's close friends explains, "Roger really hits it on the head what this world needs. Never have I seen such a clear picture."

About one hour into Roger's posts he started getting personal messages from Iraqi Ambassadors, African Relief Correspondents and Michael Brown's lawyer.  They were astounded at how bold his claims were and how they shook the very foundations of the establishment.  Myagar Hasab, leading activist for ISIS came back with this positive response.

"You're absolutely right, Roger.  Maybe ISIS should stop what they are doing and focus on peace.  We didn't take that into consideration, but I think it might be our only shot at getting our goals met."

Roger has since received grant money to start up a foundation that consults with nations over their current problems. He started a campaign on Kickstarter that will successfully end all nutrition and border issues in Africa.

"Just think," Roger recalls, "I was just your average white guy with his computer.  Who knew that I had such good answers?  I didn't even have to put on pants."

Man Runs From Police. What Happens Next will Astound You!

He gets caught.  Have a nice day.

Once Upon A Time Spoilers From The Future!!

Everyone knows that Disney's Once Upon A Time series makes many creative liberties and sometimes is nothing more than a vehicle to milk some Disney franchises.  Here is a look at some future story lines including some Disney licenses you didn't consider.

Season 8: Lilo and Stitch

1. Lilo comes into the town of Story Brooke when Rumpelstiltskin accidentally enchants an old surf board and it turns into the Hawaiian Queen.
2. Lilo's back story is that she used to be the princess of a Hawaiian island near the enchanted woods, but an invading army of Stitchs overruled the kingdom.  They trapped Lilo in a surf board and kept her hidden away.
3. In her new life as a resident of Story Brooke she is still being haunted by the ghost of Stitch who we later find out is the evil brother of Prince Charming.  Prince Charming made a deal with Peter Pan to conceal Stitch in a magic bottle, but that bottle was stolen by the Evil Queen and fed to her royal dog, Pluto.
4. In the final scene Stitch's army comes alive and seeks to recapture Lilo, but Emma and Snow must go to an alternate timeline to get an elixir made by Gepetto that will undo the curse.

Season 9:  Wall E and Quasimodo

1. When Emma finds out the toaster oven in her house was actually an out of time robot from the future they must travel back in time to the Enchanted Forest to find Quasimodo, the engineer of steam punk robots.
2. Quasimodo came from a steam punk town called Hot Topica where he created robots and would send them into the future.  He created Wall E to impress a future space maiden, Jasmine 200X, who would later be revealed to be Emma's grandma from a previous marriage.
3. Wall E is a robot out of time, but he has ancient programming that reveals he is a killer assassin who is looking to eliminate Captain Hook, because Captain Hook is his twin brother and the two had a spat back in the old world when they both loved Princess Esmeralda.
4. Hook must reconcile with his brother before he uses the ancient program that unleashes the evil Black Cauldron dragon whom we later find out is Emma's twin sister from a previous marriage. 

 -

Season 10:  Princess Leia and Wolverine

1.  Wolverine enters Story Brooke as a bounty hunter who has been hired by Elsa's evil shadow self to capture her sister Anna, whom we later find out is Emma's aunt from a previous marriage to Aladdin.
2. Wolverine's back story is he was Gepetto's cat, but got cursed into being a reality TV bounty hunter.  He made a deal with Regina, who is under a wicked puppet spell from one of the flying monkey's who is the soul incarnation of Tron's Clu.
3. Princess Leia erupts onto the Story Brooke scene when she crashes her Death Star (the pink one) into the radio tower.  Princess Leia was reading a distress signal sent from Jiminy Cricket who is using subtle clues to show Prince Charming that he is really Princess Leia's uncle.
4. They must resurrect Obi Wan who's soul has been put into an ancient arcade game so he can reveal the magical spell that can bring back Wolverine to his time line so he can fall in love with Minnie Mouse and restore peace to his kingdom of Toy Storia. 

Season 11:  Zack from the Suite Life of Zack and Cody and Cruella D'evil

1. During one of  Henry's birthday parties a cloaked stranger named Zack, whom we later find out is Emma's grandfather in a previous marriage, is looking to train him in the dark arts of black magic.  Zack believes that Henry has special powers that he had received in a previous life when he was King of Atlantis and married to Storm.
2. Before Zack's plans reach into fruition, Cruella D'evil saves the day by unleashing her storm of zombie Dalmations.   The back story of the zombie Dalmatians is that they were former royal precepts from the Queen of Hearts until they were cursed for revealing that the Queen was having an Affair with King Simba.
3. Cruella is actually a guardian of white magic and befriends Emma, but Zack uses an evil confusion spell so that the town loses its memory. The only hero who can save them is Henry, who uses the cloak of Hercules to get the powers of Spiderman, which includes flight and the ability to channel the spirit of Buzz Lightyear.
4. The scene ends in a standoff as Anna is revealed to be a robot clone of Emma's aunt from a previous marriage and banishes Henry to the evil mirror, where he must free Cody, the only Power Ranger left in his reality who can restore balance to the Prehistoric Ninja Storm.

And Disney execs continue to roll around in money.

Quiz: Facebook Post or Cognitive and Social Disability. I was shocked by # 4. This will blow you away! I Cannot stop writing...help

Can you tell the difference between a Facebook trend and a Developmental Disability Symptom? I have worked as a Community Integration Assistant for people with cognitive disabilities and strangely I find Facebook to have most or all of their symptoms.  If Facebook was a consumer in a group home the caretaker would have his work cut out for him.

Facebook Trend Vs.   DD Symptom

1. The consumer will exhibit behaviors of inappropriate or outlandish actions to garner attention seeking behavior.  This is an attempt to get noticed and responded to by peers.

2.  The consumer will obsess repeatedly over a thought or an idea with the inability to stop perseverating.

3.  The consumer will be completely distracted by weird or peculiar details that should not be significant to society.

4.  Under great stress the consumer will protest with irrational claims and defenses that have no backing

5. In some cases the consumer will show signs of anti-social behavior to distance themselves from others

6. The consumer will sometimes have bipolar disorder that is extreme in both cases.

7.  The consumer will have an inability to share thoughts and ideas.   With poor motor controls they will not be able to be short and concise.

8.  And then there is confusion over what is real or fiction.

The New Christian Sport: Bashing the Church

When a guest on the Colbert Report or John Stewart show rips into Christianity and how dumb we are I groan a little.  Usually I can get over it because I know that some of that is bitterness and miscommunication.  

But when Christians found out that the only way to be smart and get people to read their blog is to type articles that start with, "4 problems in the church," "18 lies the church told me," "5 ways church goers get the Bible wrong."  I really think we are living up to this quote.

"The Church is the only Institution that shoots its wounded."

Now, in no way do I think the church is a rosy club that can do no wrong.  Not at all,  I think we need a good fire under our butts.  In fact, the church is one of the best atmospheres to foster that fire.

With that said, I am going to show my rage for this new kind of popularity contest among Christian thinkers that shows the only way to earn respect or prove intelligence is to blast this way of life.  It gets a few extra hits on the website and you get the coveted, "you are pretty smart for being a Christian" from Johnny Atheist, but it is also a running dropkick to the privates of an institution that God has put every investment into.

That guy has his arms crossed during worship.  He must be the smartest one.

First lets start off with the positive.  Jesus told Peter that he was going to build his church on him.  Not literally on him, but in that metaphorical way that smart people talk about.  Since that confession, the church has been the number one headquarters for all of God's plans and heists.  When Jesus returned from his death on the Cross he was sighted by primarily believers (Acts 1:3).  The Great Commission is based on the followers of the church spreading their word.

"You people suck.  I am going to recruit pagans." Said no Jesus ever.

But you might be protesting this saying, "that is spiritual stuff.  The church doesn't care about important stuff like sex, dating and what to wear on a Friday night."  Wrong again, proverbial critic!  The church was also supposed to find marriages for the young Christians in their assembly and foster healthy relationships."  The Early Church was the center for leisure, marriage, education and family life.

I get it, times have changed and the church is getting old.  We should constantly expose the old information of the church and weed out the bad advice.  Yes and no.  Yes we should always be good judges of what scripture says and teach others, but no, we should not be an a-hole about it.

My next article is called, "Christians Smell Like Poop!"

Whenever we flash these loud and ambiguous blogs about how the church lifestyle is ineffective, wrong and completely out of whack it really makes me question if you understand the role we have in eternity.  We are the final beta testers for God's perfection over the Earth (Rev 21:1), we are the only ones invited into the house of God and also we are the only reason God has not blown up the Earth (Matt 24:14).  When God takes us from unbeliever to believer he even categorizes us from "fool" to "wise" (1 Cor 2:6).  I don't want Christians to look more saintly than we are, but I want the naysayers to realize that we are God's first and only plan for bringing out his goal.

Thank goodness for humility

We are also missing the point of God's domination plan when we talk about how old and outdated the idea of church is.  The plan has always been for the Gospel to restore the people of the world, bring them closer to the one who made them and create a community of believers (Rev 21:2).  There's a schism created when we make articles that separate "real believers in Jesus," with "the church."

The church needs to be its own critic.  We need to continue realizing that not everything we say is perfect, godly and sensical.  That should not make a Christian blogger write this huge expose' on how the church just doesn't get it and it needs to change or die.  We are a dynamic group, constantly wrestling with the truth, adapting to revelation and constantly growing into our salvation (with fear and trembling).  When we fall we have the unlimited foundation of grace and redemption to climb back up.  No other institution has that kind of a promise.

Only the church!

 

If the Bible Was Written By Clickbait Writers

No one reads the Bible anymore and I think I know why.  The internet is way more fascinating with its headlines.  Every headline is trying to teach you that 1 trick to lose weight, get rich or learn celebrity gossip.  Finally someone took the Bible and updated it to our grubby internet ad standards.