A Guide to Political Arguing

Liberals Arguing With Conservatives

1. Order your very own "I Participated and I am a Winner Trophy" before the argument starts.

2. Confront the Conservative in a quiet safe space. Make sure to give them 48.63 inches of room.

3. Use phrases like, "if only you would conform to the global group mind," and "everyone else is doing it!"

4. Take a moment to excuse yourself and cry. Most likely the Conservative threatened to throw your family in a pyre of burning banned books.

5. If you feel your emotional energy depleting make sure you have an emergency circle of people to stand around you holding hands. Their positive energy and feelings acts as a cell tower of hope.

6. Once again, leave some time to excuse yourself for some good sobbing. Most likely the Conservative threatened to eat your baby.

7. Most Conservatives need help focusing on the problems. All arguments should be reduced to hashtags.

8. After the argument make sure to curtsy respectfully and reply, "May the global think mind be merciful on your non complying thought."


Conservatives Arguing With Liberals

1. Always check the argument space before. Liberals love to hide gun stealing lobbyists in the bushes.

2. Instead of saying phrases like, "Eternal Slavery of All Non-Rich," try saying terms like "Creative Relocation and Purpose Training for Middle Class."

3. Sometimes Liberals will trick you into signing a sheet of paper that forces your family to have free health care. Don't fall for it. That is not an application for Guns and Freedom Magazine

4. Swear words and threats make your arguments sound more informed and backed up

5. Wrapping yourself in any Southern Flag reduces blaming by 30%

6. In most cases the Liberal will try to delete your words from the server of their mind. Don't let them. Keep uploading that stuff.

7. The Liberal will unfairly point to the superfluous wads of cash that are falling from your pockets constantly. You need to kindly tell them that money was honestly received from Operation Remove All The Endangered Species.

8. If the argument gets dicey, take out a Lysol bottle and start spraying CFC's. Then tell the arguer that for every word they say one layer of ozone will deteriorate . That shuts them up quick.

Scientist Uses Never Ending Facebook Comments Argument As Renewable Energy Source

BUFFALO- Tim Kyles, a graduate in Energy Science, discovered that the recycling of energy between arguing comments in Facebook is a renewable energy source.

"When one person shares a hot topic and another person disagrees, the endless friction of getting in the last word creates an energy continuum." He explains.

Tim Kyles and his team discovered this energy when a topic about The Constitution and Gay Rights powered a microwave for three hours.

"They just kept going," Tim retorts, "Not one of them was going to let up. We thought we could use that for energy."

Mostly Tim searches Facebook for energy patches. Most of his finds are near Christian theology pages or Right Wing news stories.

"If I find a post on creationism and evolution," Tim informs, "I know my house will be powered for at least three days."

While most would think that the never ending battle between two people who don't listen is meaningless, Tim believes he can harness this stubborn energy to power third world countries.

"The important thing is to keep arguing and pressing your point. That is what keeps the energy flowing. This is the one time that listening skills and empathy is bad for our environment."