To hype up the Man of Steel movie from DC, the comic book producers put the brand name on multiple products to get people excited. This display of shameless advertising showed us two things 1) DC really has no shame and 2) DC really doesn't understand the brand Superman. Especially with products like...
1. Cheez-Its
Justification: Cheez-Its is a party snack. Kids like Cheez-its right!
Fault: Unless they are alluding to the metaphor that Superman is a Jesus figure and that Cheez-Its is what people yell instead of taking the Lord's name in vain, this is not a worthy party snack. But it is not as bad as...
2. Town House Crackers
Justification: This is probably a cruel joke about Clark's home town not being posh enough to afford a town house.
Fault: You only use Town House crackers when you are inviting your elderly lady friends for a rousing game of pinocle. I have never seen anyone under the age of 40 buy Town House crackers.
3. Poptarts
Justification: Similar to a Poptart, Man of Steel is a movie that was really easy to prepare, but very regrettable after 2 hours because of its very stubborn and over powering flavor.
Fault: Poptarts are usually good if you eat one square inch per gallon of milk. Like Poptarts, Superman is also way too strong and a default answer to most problems.
4. Twizzlers
Justification: Superman is red. Twizzlers are red. Match made in Heaven.
Fault: Long synthetic concoctions that are filled with sugar and artificial flavors. That seems to also be the description of everyone's character development in the movie.
Note: These pictures were quite difficult to find online. Maybe DC realized how dumb Man of Steel on Kelloggs was.
With Battleship coming out, I have been pondering what other board games
would make great movies. And since Clue was a smash success, I think
my movies wouldn't do so bad either.
Monopoly:
In 1920's New York City, a eccentric billionaire invites a group of
millionaire business men to a dangerous game. The men must buy up as
mush of New York City property as possible. The game gets out of hand
when the millionaires take it too seriously and trick each other's
families into staying at tourist trap hotels. Who will survive the
vicious game of buying and selling? Starring Michael Douglas, Alec
Baldwin, and Ryan Gosling as Thimble, Race Car and Yorkshire and Martin
Sheen as Montgomery Moneybags.
Pass The Pigs: A community of farmers in Soviet Russia learn to
coexist in economic hard times by renting out (or passing) livestock to
each other. A warm heartfelt comedy about being a true neighbor and
looking out for one another. Guest cameo from Martin Sheen as Wilbert
the talking pig. Subtitles in English.
Apples to Apples:
Hilary Swank plays an OCD English teacher that tells her students to be
brutally honest when confronted with different nouns. Eventually all
her students start yelling out "ugly," "creepy," and "Delicious" when
confronted with family, girlfriends and Helen Keller. Things go topside
when the protagonist played by Shia Lebouf reveals that he thinks his
girlfriend is "smelly," "rich," "disgusting," "beautiful," and
"dazzling."
Connect Four: Four government spies find out that one of them is
a mole. Now they have to connect how their fellow spy is entangled in
this dangerous game of betrayal and sabotage. How do they connect?
Will they connect before the whole government topples from its grid?
Don't Wake Daddy: A psycho drama about an alcoholic father who
is in charge of an estranged daughter. Though he is very abusive to
her, she dreams of a perfect life with him. In a heart wrenching
ending, the father gets into a coma and has the same dream as his
daughter. Billy Bob Thorton steals the show as Gordy, the retired
Nascar driver, and Dakota Fanning is the daughter pining for a better
life.
Sorry: Two Alaskan fishers get stuck on an iceberg. Tensions
flare as global warming melts the ice berg and they soon learn that they
cannot coexist on the same space. Who will survive and who will be
sorry? Harrison Ford and Topher Grace star as the Alaskan farmers.
Natalie Portman plays the mysterious voice from Aurora.
Parcheesi:
A gold hearted musical about, Teddy, an old man who finds that his
house is blocked off by a wall. The only way he can get home is by
going around the world and getting home from the other side. Along the
way he meets Neil Patrick Harris, Felicia Day and Jackie Chan. A feel
good movie about coming of age.
Operation:
Ryan Reynolds wakes up on an operating bed in Afghanistan to find that
he has 8 bombs sewn into his torso. It's a race against time as Kirsten
Dunst, a retired doctor, must remove all bombs without moving them
drastically. Johnny Depp plays the sadistic terrorist doctor, Doctor
Rednose. From the director of Phone Booth comes this horrifying
nightmare.
Jenga: Michael Bay's finest science fiction piece to date. Two
demolition experts, Andy Sanberg and Jonah Hill, accidentally blow up a
building created by an ancient race of aliens. Now the aliens exact
revenge by destroying popular buildings around the world. Featuring
unused CGI from Transformers.
The American culture has put up with a lot of weird egos and personalities in the entertainment business. We have never questioned the validity of someone who dresses in meat clothes or comes to the Grammys in a clown suit.
But someone comes along that makes us wonder if we really alone in the universe. That person is Nicki Minaj.
Do not think I speak ill of the creation known as Minaj. This is no small feat. Among our presence we have a small child who is gifted in metallurgy and advanced robotics, but still has the lifestyle of a developing child. You will agree that the evidence demands that we see this person in a new light. A living mecha light.
1. The Design of the Mech looks like it was designed by a child
Imagine you are in charge of designing a humanoid robot, but your motor skills are still at the Kindergarten level. What would the blueprint look like?
The original creation for Nicki was Baldy the Puke Colored Gown Wearer
If you had to build a robot off that blue print what would it look like?
Purely of an expression of a lobster climbing up your leg while trying to be polite
2. Trouble With English Suggests Developing Writing Skills
Do you think it is a coincidence that Nicki is under the disguise of a rapper/diva singer. Maybe that is just an alibi to cover her struggle with writing and understanding reading. Most math and robotics geniuses have trouble with English. Check out this reveal on Twitter.
Hoes wit hoop dreams be like > RT @lottaBewbz ugh im still mad @ Gabrielle union for taking my baby... i wanted Dwayne's lips :/
log out forever> RT @Fact: Penguins have been known to engage in "prostitution." They have sex w/ males in exchange for food & pebbles.
Both Tweets suggest two things. Nicki uses her Twitter account to explain what she did last night as if it was an elementary school journal. The second tweet suggests that her school is doing a report on arctic animals and she is proudly sharing what she had just learned. Just one more.
so sad, i was rlly having a real convo wit u #hoes. LOL. *leaves*
Toddlers love repetition because that's the way they learn best. Hearing something many times helps them remember information for increasing periods of time. Young toddlers (12 to 18 months) particularly need repetition — more so than a 2 1/2-year-old, say — to learn and remember new information.
Now here are some lyrics from our Nicki Minaj character.
You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe (x3) You a stupid hoe, (yeah) you a, you a stupid hoe You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe (stupid, stupid) You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe (stupid, stupid) You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe (stupid, stupid) (stupid, stupid)
4. The Constant Look Changes Suggest Different Models of the Mech
If we learned anything from Iron Man 3, it is a genius inventor cannot stop at making one robot model. Robot inventors usually have to create one building sized mech or a small army for them to distribute. Nicki Minaj is a prototype that has hundreds of models.
Defender Model
Volcano Proof
Mark 2
Mark 1
5. Voice Modulation is Imperfect
How would you know that someone is a robot? How would you know that someone is being piloted by a toddler? They would give it away by the voice technology. The child piloting the robot could not use their own voice so that would be out of the question. They would have to use a robotic voice--kind of like Siri. Our current reading technology sounds like a cross between a robot and someone who wishes they were human.
Now look at Nicki Minaj who also sounds like a robot and someone who wishes they were human. Notice the break downs and pitch changes between paragraphs.
6. The Robotic Purpose of Nicki Minaj
Children have huge imaginations and pure aspirations as they grow up. Nicki Minaj is the day dream of a Kindergartner who feels plain and lifeless. She is using her robot skills to get attention and fame. The blatant use of sexuality and profanity suggests that it is a very young child that has no boundary between nudity, race and language. No doubt in my mind about the nature of this child and the maturity level of the mech being piloted--this is clearly technology being utilized by the youngest and brightest. Most older tweens would have sensible goals for a music career like singing lessons and harmony perfection. Only a 4 year old would interpret the music life as a huge colorful buffet where words don't make sense and sound is second place to loud flashy lights. The child behind the Nicki robot is a true master of the craft of robotics and mech creation. This is the current robot that Japan has.
Boring. Lame
Now check out the walking stop light created by our 4 year old expert.
The console wars of the next generation gamers may have been judged too soon when Sony took the stage and announced that the PS4 will not be online only and have used game availability.
Very few know of the keynote address from LeapFrog right after Sony's address that completely schooled the PS4. Harold Gould, head spokesman of LeapFrog, told the remaining audience that the LeapFrog 1...2...3 will pwn the competitors on every level.
"The LeapFrog 1...2...3", Gould exclaims, "will be everything those other two systems are not." The crowd erupted in real applause when he shared that all 12 games on the LeapFrog will be shareable and able to be purchased off of Craigslist used. After the nasty rumors that the LeapFrog 1...2...3 will be online online, Gould commented that the cheap hardware could not go online even if it wanted to. This erupted in real applause.
It is all about games and Gould recognized that immediately. He announced that the release of the LeapFrog will have at least 6 games. The audience was treated to a teaser trailer of Dora The Explorer Number Adventures followed by Sponge Bob's Crazy Alphabet jumble. But not just sequels, Diego Go! will be getting a geography game. For the more adult gamers they have Star Wars Long Division, which contains graphic robot disassembling.
You think this will be expensive? Think again, LeapFrog 1...2...3 will only be $99 of cheap plastic and bright colored buttons.
" This will be the only console devoted to games, unlike PS4 and Xbox One, which focuses on Hulu and Netflix. There's no way the 200mb Korean made chip of the LeapFrog could ever hold TV shows making this console game dedicated.
Harold Gould ended his keynote with dropping the mic on the floor. The crowd exploded with cheers and screams of jubilation. The Leap Frog sold 10,000 pre-solds immediately.
Miley Cyrus, famed pop diva and daughter of Billy Ray, recently released her new album containing the song "We Can't Stop." While song lyricists can't determine if this song is about an immoral party lifestyle or someone's battle with irritable bowel syndrome, one thing does remain clear. Miley is deevolving. Coming from a strong religious background and performing on a PG level, Miley has been reported to loosen her morals with each song she writes. Here is where she is currently in her ethical standings.
"To my homegirls here with the big butts Shaking it like we at a strip club Remember only God can judge us Forget the haters cause somebody loves ya And everyone in line in the bathroom"
Notice that her admission that large rumped females have the same rhythm as an exotic dancer is followed by a request to the God of Jacob and Abraham to cast judgement down on her. This confession shows us that Miley is still fighting her inner demons to stay innocent within the music business. We know from the progression of her songs that she is slipping toward PG-13 crowd.
Take a look at Miley's previous songs early in her career. Notice that her inklings toward ill conformity.
" I throw my hands up, playing my song
The butterflies fly away,
Waving my hands like yea
Corporately embezzling millions from
Fake non-profit ventures."
It is very subtle, but it is the tip of the iceberg of a musical styling that has followed in the foot steps of Pink, Jessica Simpson, Amadeus Mozart, Rihanna, The Friar Community Band and Britney Spears.
If we take her deevolution of musical kid friendliness and apply it to a pop star algorithim of common lyrics we have a forecast of what her next song will look like in 10 years. She actually just reads the script to Boondock Saints. We would continue the analysis, but Miley gets very pro-Nazi in her later songs and it makes us uncomfortable.
Look how she mocks poodles with her hair.
What can we attribute to this slide into moral decay? Perhaps it was the pressures of balancing a conservative household with the diva lifestyle. Maybe it is the trends of today's internet society infringing on Judeo-Christian beliefs. Most likely it is because Miley Cyrus bathes in money daily feeding off the souls of impressionable tweens. Whatever the case may be, our hearts break as another foundation of values gets Jay-Z'd right in the face. We are praying for a stop gap to this epidemic.
.jpg)
