The Most Boring Shirt in the World (and how I feel about it)

I found this shirt at Walmart. Now I know Walmart isn't synonymous with the phrases quality, driven to greatness and perfectionism, but this shirt takes it to a new level. The level of NO CARES GIVEN on this shirt is so high that I wonder why it was even made. Take a deep and long look at this shirt. This is what giving up on life looks like.

First of all, we need to look at the perfectly good franchise that the artist is portraying. Not only did the no-cares-given artist pick a children's franchise to portray, but he picked one of the most colorful and most interesting serials. The Ninja Turtles is all about talking, humanoid, ninja amphibians who fight Samurais and talk to rats. When the artist was given the task to encapsulate the glory of Ninja Turtles, his first instinct was to write their names and call it a day.

Not only did he write their names on four lines, but to add to the #NoFluffsGiven attitude he didn't even bother to make it grammatically correct. It's almost as if he transcribed the description of the shirt into a literal design.

Boss: Ted, what are you going to put on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle's shirt?

Ted: Leonardo and Raphael and Donatello and Michelangelo

Boss: Sounds colorful!

Let's not forget that the wording on this t-shirt is not even formatted in a way that is pleasing to the eye. It's kind of justified left and written in a sanserif font found on most word processing devices. Now add to the fact the artist was not going to waste any precious time on writing the word "and" out. When the prettiest picture on your shirt is the & symbol, then you know you haven't arrived.

How did this shirt get past any human being with a shred of imagination in their soul. Is there a market of bourgeois literalists who are demanding the most minimalist shirt in the universe? How did this pass an inspector who has any understanding of kids?

Inspector: I don't have time to look at the shirt. Just tell me what is on it?

Ted: Leonardo and Raphael and Donatello and Michelangelo

Inspector: Beautiful! Put it in print.

I can't be totally harsh on this design. I imagine the boss found out about the design about halfway through the production.

Boss: We need to spruce up this monstrosity. It is so boring.

Ted: Why don't we put white rings around the shoulders?

Boss: You saved us again, Ted!

There is so much happening with this shirt that it concerns me to the deepest core. Questions in my mind are rising up like, is there a market for kids who lack all imagination and love in their hearts? Did this shirt sell and if it did is there a way I can write the Avengers names on a black t-shirt? Is this social commentary for the effects of Ritalin on young minds? Why Ninja Turtles? Why not write out the ingredients for beef stew?

I also imagine the marketing team expecting this reaction when some child receives this t-shirt

Mom: Happy Birthday, Son!

Son: Oh my goodness! I love these four names! I love how they are in a neat and organized row! The & symbol adds so much. Now I am going to go to my room and memorize the Dewey Decimal system!

Well I have added myself to this market. Here is my contribution